Fun Size Bytes


  1. AYFKMWTS? Episode 20140407

    He’s ok, but my brother was in car accident this morning.

    Hit by a1 drunk driver.

    At like 8 or 9 a.m.

    I mean, not that there’s ever an OK time to be driving drunk EVER, but if you’re drunk when McDonald’s is still serving breakfast you have moved past the 'wondering if you have a problem' stage.

    Car is probably totaled. It was old, meaning he probably won’t get much for it, but it was paid off and had been well-maintained, so that sucks.

    I went on Twitter and saw ‘NationalBeerDay’ is trending.

    If you’re planning to celebrate Not At Home, get a designated driver or take a cab, please?

    And by “please” I mean “To protect other people, their loved ones, and yourself”

    And by “yourself” I mean “Because even if you survive the accident you’ll have to wonder when I’m going to show up at your door and start punching you in the face with a hot iron.”

    Because I can’t punch the universe in its big stupid face, but if things keep going the way they have been someone is getting a hot iron to the face.

    Don’t be the one.


    1. I guess one should say “allegedly” in these situations, but it’s my understanding that the other driver was arrested on the spot. Sooooo. Yeah. Maybe “allëgedly”? 

  2. AYFKMWTS?

Unless this woman is over 7-feet tall, she is in absolutely no way, shape, or form “Plus Size.”

I don’t even mean that in some sort of “idealistic” or “body positive” or “every body is beautiful in its own way” sense.

I mean this is the most literal way possible.

How is this not simply seen as a picture of a healthy adult female?

WTF.

Dear Fashion Industry: seriously, you need to lay off the fucking drugs and come to your fucking senses before you cause the deaths of more girls and women driven to starve themselves to match some sort of completely unrealistic image of what human beings look like.

    AYFKMWTS?

    Unless this woman is over 7-feet tall, she is in absolutely no way, shape, or form “Plus Size.”

    I don’t even mean that in some sort of “idealistic” or “body positive” or “every body is beautiful in its own way” sense.

    I mean this is the most literal way possible.

    How is this not simply seen as a picture of a healthy adult female?

    WTF.

    Dear Fashion Industry: seriously, you need to lay off the fucking drugs and come to your fucking senses before you cause the deaths of more girls and women driven to starve themselves to match some sort of completely unrealistic image of what human beings look like.

  3. Remember this from the other day?

I received a box from them today. Included in the box was a printout of the above email asking if I had received them (a full Windows screenshot, actually), and a hand-written note saying “No record where pick ticket was rec’d.”

Oh, and did I mention that they sent me eight copies of each book?

Yes, really.



There’s no invoice included, so I can’t tell if they charged me for 8 copies of each book or if they just sent 8 copies of each book.

    Remember this from the other day?

    I received a box from them today. Included in the box was a printout of the above email asking if I had received them (a full Windows screenshot, actually), and a hand-written note saying “No record where pick ticket was rec’d.”

    Oh, and did I mention that they sent me eight copies of each book?

    Yes, really.

    IMG_2499.JPG

    There’s no invoice included, so I can’t tell if they charged me for 8 copies of each book or if they just sent 8 copies of each book.

  4. Lawyer falls from mechanical bull; sues for not being warned about danger

    A lawyer who busted his mouth while riding a mechanical bull at a Cincinnati bar is suing because the bar didn’t make him sign a waiver that would have explained he could get hurt by riding the machine, which is designed to throw off the rider.

    Tom Silberman of Alaska filed the suit Wednesday in Hamilton County Common Pleas Court.

    In it, he alleges he was at Cadillac Ranch bar at 11:30 p.m. Oct. 15 when he decided to ride the mechanical bull, a machine patrons sit on and try to hang on while the “bull” bucks and moves in an attempt to thrown the rider off.

    The bar typically requires those who ride the bull to sign a waiver absolving them of liability if they are injured.

    Silberman’s suit alleges bar employees never asked him to sign the waiver. Despite that, the lawyer got on the bull, tried to ride it, was thrown off and hurt his mouth, his suit said.

    “As a result of the mechanical bull operator’s negligence and/or recklessness, upon being thrown off the bull, Mr. Silberman’s mouth struck a metal portion of the mechanical bull before falling to the ground,” Silberman’s suit alleges.

    Silberman “did not have the opportunity to avoid this accident,” his suit alleges.

    Gordy Fitzwater, the bar’s general manager, said Friday he hadn’t seen the suit and couldn’t comment.

    The suit alleges Silberman suffered “mental anguish” in addition to the busted mouth that required medical care and treatment.

    His lawyer didn’t return Friday calls.

    In addition to the money being sought - “in excess of $25,000” - the suit also seeks money for medical and related expenses, pain and suffering, interest and attorney fees.

    Dear Lawyer Who Embodies Everything That Is Wrong With Your Profession: Are You Fucking Kidding Me With This Shit? You didn’t know that you could get hurt riding a mechanical bull? How about taking some personal fucking responsibility here?

    If I ran a business I would hang a sign on the door requiring lawyers to sign a waiver before allowing them to enter the premises.