Fun Size Bytes


  1. Lucky died January 8th, 2012.

    Kaylee died January 8th, 2013.

    Today, January 8th, 2014, after 2 days of no school (and therefore no work for me), we finally had to leave the house today on the day when I did not want to leave the house the most.

    Before the weather or the past two days meant missing two days of work I had thought that maybe I would stay home today, but now I knew I couldn’t. And even if I had… then what? Spend all day fixated on where they were every moment? To no end.

    Even worse, we had to stop and refill our groceries supplies because even The Boy was commenting on how empty the fridge was.

    So we did, and surprisingly it was not so bad.

    We came home and were greeted by Noah and Shasta.

    No Sophie.

    (Spoiler alert in case you missed the text-image above: she’s home, she’s safe, she’s fine.)

    Now, she’s done this before, even fairly recently. The other two were in the house when we came home but she was outside. Noah and Shasta are fairly inseparable, but Sophie is her own girl. She neither requires not desires their company when she is out doing whatever it is she does out there. “She tolerates them, but doesn’t care” is probably the best way to put it.

    I knew all of that.

    I was still panic-stricken.

    I busied myself putting away the groceries and tried not to let on to The Boy that I was worried. I suppose a more… something… person might have prayed for her safe return.

    I did not.

    I may have thought quietly to myself: “I don’t care how cold it is, I will burn the entire fucking planet down…” and I’m fairly sure that I wouldn’t want to find out if I was serious or not, but no matter, because about that time I heard her bound up the stairs and through the doggie door, and watched her prance around doing her “You’re home! You’re home! You’re home! You’re home! You’re home!” dance while I was nearly shouting nearly crying and still pretending I hadn’t been petrified.

    The Boy really wanted to go to Tae Kwon Do tonight, although he did not need to (they are preparing for “Promotion Test” on Saturday and he won’t be testing for almost another two years) because he wanted to be there in case he was needed for a demonstration or sparring or whatever. Part of me wanted to talk him out of it, but he’s living into his leadership role as a 1st Dan black-belt, and I didn’t want to take that just because I was being irrational.

    After two hours we returned and everyone was just fine. He put down their dinner and refilled their water bowls. I listened to them eat, go out, and come back in again. With the weather being what it is, they haven’t stayed out for long.

    But as soon as he went to bed I closed the doggie door to keep them in for the rest of the night. It’s the only hope I have for sleep tonight.

    Truth be told, I’m still not over Lucky’s death. Kaylee’s was no less awful, maybe even, in some ways, worse, but somehow the fact that I was still numbed from Lucky’s must have softened hers. I almost said deadened but I didn’t want anyone to mistake an unfortunate choice of word as an attempt to make some sort of terribly unfunny joke.

    Truth be told I’m still… What? Sad? I guess, maybe, but not quite. Angry? Maybe, I guess, but not quite. I still wish I knew why although, rationally, I know that knowing why really wouldn’t change a thing. Mostly I think maybe I just want to shout “THIS WAS REALLY SHITTY AND UNFAIR!” even though I know it won’t change anything and that there’s lots more that’s more shitty and more unfair in the world. Truthfully, I don’t really know what I want. I don’t know what would make it better, or even less worse.

    So today I did this, and tomorrow I’ll do something else, and maybe someday I’ll know what I want or what would make it better, or maybe someday I’ll realize that it is better. Today it isn’t.

  2. Night Terrors

    As you’ve probably noticed, Shasta has decided that my bed is his bed, which is fine. I haven’t had a dog-teddy-bear since Lucky.

    Someone asked if Shasta ‘talks’ which I did not realize was a Husky trait, but he does, sometimes quite a bit.

    He also likes to extend his paws fully while sleeping on his side to make sure that all 4 of them are touching me at all times.

    Last night was one of the few times he has woken me up.

    At first I thought he might be having a dream…

    …but then I thought he might be in pain.

    So I turned on the light…

    And this is what I saw:

    image

  3. Dear Lucky: I love you, but you are a terrible bed partner

    If it’s not the claws it’s the bony butt wedged up against my leg. You realize there is plenty of room on this bed for both of us, right?

  4. Lucky and I had a Sunday Snuggle.

    Lucky and I had a Sunday Snuggle.

  5. Happy Sundog!

    Happy Sundog!

  6. The Boy has 30” tall Superman that someone gave him. It has been in the back storage area for awhile.

Today he took it out and stood it up.

At which point Lucky started growling at it, his hackles went up like a full body mohawk, and he started to back up.

It was completely hilarious.

(Not to you, necessarily, but to me…)

    The Boy has 30” tall Superman that someone gave him. It has been in the back storage area for awhile.

    Today he took it out and stood it up.

    At which point Lucky started growling at it, his hackles went up like a full body mohawk, and he started to back up.

    It was completely hilarious.

    (Not to you, necessarily, but to me…)

  7. I also went grocery shopping today but bought more cleaning supplies than groceries.

    • Me:
      I have been scraping the "burned-on stuff" off the stovetop very slowly and carefully with the edge of a knife for the past… I'm gonna say 30 minutes.

    • The Wife:
      Woah. These meds are great!

    • Me:
      I also had a nap this afternoon, since you woke everybody up this morning calling early when we didn't have to be anywhere all day. :-P

    • The Wife:
      It was 9:40& you said I didn't wake you up.

    • Me:
      Yeah well that's what you say when someone calls and wakes you up. You woke The Boy too. It's ok, we all had to pee anyway. I think Lucky had his legs crossed.

    • The Wife:
      Ok then


  8. Whatever, dude, I’m not even on the couch, so stop bugging me.

    Whatever, dude, I’m not even on the couch, so stop bugging me.

  9. Why is your penis always dirty?
    The Wife, to Lucky
  10. Someone must be new around here.

Anyway… in case you were wondering: no, I really wasn’t planning on sleeping tonight, I much preferred pulling ticks off of Lucky and feeling itchy all over.

Filed under: REMIND ME AGAIN WHY WE HAVE TO HAVE DOGS? WHAT ABOUT FISH? FISH MAKE NICE PETS.

    Someone must be new around here.

    Anyway… in case you were wondering: no, I really wasn’t planning on sleeping tonight, I much preferred pulling ticks off of Lucky and feeling itchy all over.

    Filed under: REMIND ME AGAIN WHY WE HAVE TO HAVE DOGS? WHAT ABOUT FISH? FISH MAKE NICE PETS.

  11. nicky36:

Today, summed up.

TJ: (Where by “Today” she meant “Monday” when she posted this, not “Tuesday” when I’m reblogging it.)

So… yesterday (see above) Dr Rachel had a dream that The Wife and I were splitting up.

Around the same time, The Wife had a dream that Nicky and I were having an affair “and everyone knew but no one told” her.

I won’t list all of the reasons why that idea is absurd (I’m pretty sure the face Nicky is making above is the approximate one that she’d make in response to such a suggestion), but I think the one that stood out the most is the idea that no one would tell her.

Here’s a list of people I think would tell her (IF such a thing was true, which it isn’t, obviously):

Lindsay
Jennifer
Danielle
Richard
Toni
Kate
Cary
Autumn
Michele
Kathleen
Mel
Robin
And that’s just off the top of my head. I’m sure there are more. I just stopped at 12.

Not to mention that there are at least three people on that list who would only tell her after they had cut off my dick, rammed it down my throat, and disposed of my body somewhere it would never be found. Or made it look like an accident.

(Hint: first three on the list. At least. There would be no shortage of suspects, is what I’m saying.)

Look… I’m gratefully aware that there are some folks I’ve met online who “like” me, as in: they consider me to be a friend, someone they’ve met and got along with, etc. There’s a smaller group who seem to “really” like me, as in they send nice feedback on stuff I say either her or on Twitter, and we communicate via email, text, WWF, etc.

Which is awesome and wonderful and great.

But the people who have gotten to know The Wife? They love her. As in, they think she’s one of the best people they’ve ever met. They wish they had a friend like her who lived close by. Even straight women have no hesitation in saying that they’d marry her. (As I’ve pointed out before, the “Wives of TJ” really started out as “Wives of WifeOfTJ”.)

~ The First Time ~

Remember a couple of years ago at the first really big NYC Tweetup? When The Wife had been on Twitter for about a month? I was talking with someone who was quite excited to meet me and talk to me, very complimentary about the goofy shit I write on Twitter, etc — and then in mid-sentence he said to me, “Oh, hey, I see that your wife is free. I’m going to go talk to her before someone else does” and blew past me like I was a stranger’s discarded Big Mac wrapper.

~ The Mom ~

Several years ago, my mother told me that if The Wife and I ever divorced, she {my mom} was keeping her {The Wife}. Now, this wasn’t a “serious” conversation — as in, we were not contemplating divorce or anything like that, and I’m pretty sure that she meant that she would keep The Wife in addition to me… but let’s just say I wasn’t curious enough to ask for clarification, and I wouldn’t want to bet my life on it.

Speaking of which, I have no doubt that my mother would assist in helping to dispose of my mangled body, should the need arise.

~ Anyway… ~

When I saw this picture from Nicky, I knew I had to reblog it for posterity, especially in light of The Wife’s dream.

In reality, the only one who has been sneaking into bed with me is Lucky.

    nicky36:

    Today, summed up.

    TJ: (Where by “Today” she meant “Monday” when she posted this, not “Tuesday” when I’m reblogging it.)

    So… yesterday (see above) Dr Rachel had a dream that The Wife and I were splitting up.

    Around the same time, The Wife had a dream that Nicky and I were having an affair “and everyone knew but no one told” her.

    I won’t list all of the reasons why that idea is absurd (I’m pretty sure the face Nicky is making above is the approximate one that she’d make in response to such a suggestion), but I think the one that stood out the most is the idea that no one would tell her.

    Here’s a list of people I think would tell her (IF such a thing was true, which it isn’t, obviously):

    1. Lindsay
    2. Jennifer
    3. Danielle
    4. Richard
    5. Toni
    6. Kate
    7. Cary
    8. Autumn
    9. Michele
    10. Kathleen
    11. Mel
    12. Robin

    And that’s just off the top of my head. I’m sure there are more. I just stopped at 12.

    Not to mention that there are at least three people on that list who would only tell her after they had cut off my dick, rammed it down my throat, and disposed of my body somewhere it would never be found. Or made it look like an accident.

    (Hint: first three on the list. At least. There would be no shortage of suspects, is what I’m saying.)

    Look… I’m gratefully aware that there are some folks I’ve met online who “like” me, as in: they consider me to be a friend, someone they’ve met and got along with, etc. There’s a smaller group who seem to “really” like me, as in they send nice feedback on stuff I say either her or on Twitter, and we communicate via email, text, WWF, etc.

    Which is awesome and wonderful and great.

    But the people who have gotten to know The Wife? They love her. As in, they think she’s one of the best people they’ve ever met. They wish they had a friend like her who lived close by. Even straight women have no hesitation in saying that they’d marry her. (As I’ve pointed out before, the “Wives of TJ” really started out as “Wives of WifeOfTJ”.)

    ~ The First Time ~

    Remember a couple of years ago at the first really big NYC Tweetup? When The Wife had been on Twitter for about a month? I was talking with someone who was quite excited to meet me and talk to me, very complimentary about the goofy shit I write on Twitter, etc — and then in mid-sentence he said to me, “Oh, hey, I see that your wife is free. I’m going to go talk to her before someone else does” and blew past me like I was a stranger’s discarded Big Mac wrapper.

    ~ The Mom ~

    Several years ago, my mother told me that if The Wife and I ever divorced, she {my mom} was keeping her {The Wife}. Now, this wasn’t a “serious” conversation — as in, we were not contemplating divorce or anything like that, and I’m pretty sure that she meant that she would keep The Wife in addition to me… but let’s just say I wasn’t curious enough to ask for clarification, and I wouldn’t want to bet my life on it.

    Speaking of which, I have no doubt that my mother would assist in helping to dispose of my mangled body, should the need arise.

    ~ Anyway… ~

    When I saw this picture from Nicky, I knew I had to reblog it for posterity, especially in light of The Wife’s dream.

    In reality, the only one who has been sneaking into bed with me is Lucky.

  12. P.s.

    almost forgot: least favorite thing? Getting out of my car just in time to see the pasty redneck dude in a beat-up pick-up pull his shirt over his head. I’m not sure why he was doing that, but I looked away before the image was burned into my head. When I came out, e truck was still there, and the tinted windows were rolled up. I don’t want to know.

    Also, I set the dishwasher to run while we were gone. When we came back it hadn’t finished running, and I said to it, “really? You aren’t done yet? How long do you take, anyway?”. It didn’t reply, but I think it could sense my disappointment.

    I just sneezed, and from The Boy’s room I heard “bless you!” I guess someone is still reading. It is 11:20. He asked me yesterday if I mind if he reads when he can’t sleep. I said no. Also, he asked if Lucky could sleep with him tonight, so he’s in there too. It’s about the most adorable thing ever.

    Ps - speaking of puppies, everyone send good thoughts to Jennifer and Maddox!

  13. yodelmachine:

BATTLE HAMSTER

The Boy has these.

He loves them.

They cause Lucky to become mightily confused. He just sits there and stares at them. And then when they stop doing anything, he hits it with his paw to make them make noise again.

    yodelmachine:

    BATTLE HAMSTER

    The Boy has these.

    He loves them.

    They cause Lucky to become mightily confused. He just sits there and stares at them. And then when they stop doing anything, he hits it with his paw to make them make noise again.

  14. I know you’re not happy being in the crate; but it is better than being dead.
    Me, to Lucky, who got on my very last nerve last night and is confined to crate-at-bedtime for the foreseeable future